Letter to my baby - The Beaux Journals

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My dear Little One,

It’s me. Your mom. So surreal to externalise such a letter! I have had you inside me for 36 weeks, which is disorienting because I still feel like I am still only 15 weeks pregnant somehow! Time seems to have regressed yet simultaneously stand still this pregnancy in a most disorientating way. My dear Little One, I am not going to sugar coat it. These 36 weeks have been very long and trying weeks. I have had debilitating migraines and all-the-time sickness for 25 of those weeks (to keep the list short) and then I spent 5 weeks recouping from a concussion after your cute little body sat perfectly on one of my crucial arteries, so I passed out and smacked my head onto a stone floor. That will probably be my most memorable Christmas day that I won't remember! I have physically been absolutely thrown for a loop these past 9 months. Pregnancy has been the single most difficult thing, physically, mentally, and spiritually, I have ever tackled.

And you know what Little One? Every single second has been worth it. You are worth it all

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So this is my first and final Mother's Day with you, my Little One, inside my body. And I have spent many hours, days, weeks mindfully curating what it is I hope to teach you in this life. To be honest, I have a feeling you will be teaching me much more than I will be teaching you. So with that in mind, I hope to learn alongside you the concept of self-worth. How much you are inherently and intrinsically worth. Just as you are. Just by being you. Your worth will never change. I also hope that you are happy and kind in this life, and that you find strength in sensitivity. (I am still working on all of those things.) I also hope that whether you are a little boy or a little girl, that you may always value and cherish womankind in this lifetime and help shift the paradigm of generations past into a more sensitive, and woke, frame of reference.

Mother's Day is for all women. For the women who choose not to have children, for the women who are unable to have children, for the women who have lost children, for the women with strained mother relationships, for those who have lost mothers, those yearning to be mothers.

It is for all women around the world: beautiful and valuable and deserve to be celebrated every day. So I hope Mother's Day will not change once I have you in my arms little one, but rather simply shift, as it has always been and beautiful day. That said, I am very much looking forward to sharing this day with you for the rest of my life, along with all my days.

You and me kiddo, you and me. I cannot wait to meet you. Your mother, Ashley

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